Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
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