There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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