i'm signing you up for texting rehab
grandma shit on top of the toilet
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
