Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
