There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
