Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
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Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
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Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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