I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
