I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
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