i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
