Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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