Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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