dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
