my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
