Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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