Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
