hotel room ftw
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
