Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
