the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
