508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
