I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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