I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
