I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
