you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
This is my gift to your gina
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
