physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Randomize