dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I need water and some morals
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
