found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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