Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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