True but thats because hes a fetus.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
