I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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