It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
