i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I have post one night stand depression
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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