I'm gonna have a badass scar
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
