Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
