Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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