How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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