I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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