he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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