I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
