Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
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I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
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I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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