Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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