How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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