Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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