bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
