Don't you send me to vm
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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