I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Randomize
