Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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