shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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