we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
