Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
