Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
My ATM looks so different sober.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize