Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
