you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
