She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
