I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
