There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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