That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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