dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
