okay pat passed out under dana's car
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
