I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
