So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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