hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
