how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Well I just put wine in my tea
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
