My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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