so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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