I just made out with a guy for $7.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
It's just like the Real World with babies
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
