do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
